"Aapki Asuvidha Ke Liye Khed Hai"

For those who don't know, I am stuck in Ahmedabad since 24^th of September due to heavy rains, no modes of transport available since then. I had a ticket for 24^th afternoon in Shatabdi Express, after standing on the station for an hour or so, it was announced that the train is cancelled due to technical faults and bad weather. It was really, really frustrating, not only for me but also for hundreds of co-passengers standing with me. That was the time I was relishing observing various reactions around me. Anger and disappointment were mainly the dominating feelings that rose in people around. There were various types of aftermaths of the announcements.

Majority of the passengers got agitated and started barging towards the station master’s room. Dropping down their luggage, pulling up their sleeves, removing their spectacles (majority had specs), shaping down their eyebrows (a gesture to portray anger, though I found it funny). Watching them, it was like the Spartans were out to fight for Sparta against the God king- The Station Master. Everything was so war-like! Ticket in one hand and ID in the other were like sword and shield of the Spartans A.K.A passengers, whereas the opposition had a resilient armor with “IRCTC” engraved on it. Suddenly, the atmosphere changed, the sky above had the color of a television tuned to a dead channel, moreover something menacing could be felt. The Spartans charged in the cabin with an absolute clear mission in their minds, while the God-king was resting on his throne unaware about the Spartan troops storming in. The Spartan troops had to deal with a variety of deadly obstacles like sinister staircase, the blood-curdling bridge and the depraved door before entering the God-king’s fort, the station master’s cabin. Having noticed the dynamic entry of the Spartans, the God-king rose up from his government-funded throne. They had eyes in eyes, nothing was exchanged as yet, but it seemed the war had already begun. The war was silent yet deafening. Gradually, the Spartans drew out their weapons (ticket and ID) and forced it on the table. Spartans after their first attack decided to take the verbal route and destroy the opponent. At first, the God-king was found dumbstruck, but then he was no ordinary man, he was a government employ and they are naturally gifted with a skill so unique; the skill to speak impromptu, even if it doesn't make sense and to argue eloquently and win, even if they are wrong. The war was at its top potency. Along with the ticket and ID, other weapons included cruel abusive words that pierced through the chests like lethal spheres. But, my favorite weapon was the venomous spit used by the God-king, the Spartans were dreaded by it, it was frightening. It was gross. After twenty long minutes, the war finally ended, the God-king made a settlement with the Spartans, got their tickets cancelled and gave them their rightful refund. The then proud and deliriously happy but stupid Spartans thought it was due to their quarrelling tactics and techniques that they got the refund. What they didn’t notice was that it was nearing lunch time, and the lousy, stout station master granted refund to the passengers only because of the dancing rats in his stomach! At the end of the day, everyone goes home happy, the passengers got their refund, the station master got his tiffin and I got a hell of a show! Though a popcorn tub was missing, the scene was entertaining enough to cover up for it.

I then decided to inspect the battle field after the battle. What I found was stunning! A starving station master was gobbling up food more than his mouth could accommodate. An unusually huge tiffin was placed in front of him to satisfy his unusually huge belly. Well, I choose not to describe the latter, just three appropriate words will explain the scene, it was gross! 

The other minority group of passengers was again divided into two types. The first type of passengers were terrified by the announcement. Beads of perspiration formed on their foreheads. Wandering off in the future, they were creating numerous simulations of what could possibly happen and not happen if they didn't reach Mumbai. Simulations were hilarious! And some kind aunties were blabbering their self-created simulations out loud. I would like to share one.

 So this one aunty was supposed to be attending a wedding in Mumbai, a close relative’s wedding. Then, the announcement was made. Precipitously, a shade of melancholy grew over her face. Her neck was straying in all directions in sheer disbelief. After her neck regained balance, her eyes stayed restlessly on the speaker; it was as if she was listening from her eyes! Or maybe giving the speaker a wild glare in an attempt to scare the speaker so the announcement changes (it is mine imagination, maybe aunty wasn't doing that, or maybe she was, well whatever). Gauging her reactions and expressions, it seemed like cancellation of the train had made her life miserable in a couple of minutes. Then suddenly, after all her expression exhibition and drama stopped, she started blurting out her self-created simulation. “If I don’t reach Mumbai by tonight, there will be a huge problem. I don’t know how they’ll manage without me, they’ll simply get worried about me. My god, this can’t be happening” (Translated). Now obviously at first, it sounds very genuine, it did to me also, avoiding the exasperated expressions she showcased before. Now, do you want to know for whose wedding was she worried so much?? Get ready to be surprised (actually, don't get ready, if you get ready, that won't be a surprise!)….It was her cousin sister’s daughter in law’s cousin brother’s marriage. Probably the guy getting married doesn't even know her. And yes don’t doubt the relation, I've reconfirmed it. The person, who came to the station to drop her, was humble enough to give me the info. The lady was his maternal aunty.

The second type of passengers were as cool as cucumbers. They seemed to be in a state of trance, not affected by the announcement; they were enjoying their blissful ignorance. They were very calm and content, after the announcement, they just coolly picked up their luggage and walked out of the station, like a boss!

P.S.:- The announcement which caused so much commotion and forced a variety of feelings, reactions and expressions to come out was… “Aaj Ahmedabad se Mumbai jane wali, Shatabdi Express radd kar di gayi hai, aapki asuvidha ke liye khed hai, dhanyavaad”----> “Today, Shatabdi Express between Ahmedabad and Mumbai has been cancelled, we deeply regret your inconvenience, thank you”.